If I Was A Turkey, With My Priorities Straight

Being the great big tease I am I left you after my review of Electro Hippies The Only Good Punk … Is A Dead One hinting that it held this year’s Christmas song for me. 

So here it is, ‘Turkeys’ by Electro Hippies.  What could be more festive than a heart-warming ditty addressing that staple of the Christmas table? nothing, that’s what. 

I think it is safe to say that Electro Hippies brand of vegetarianism and animal rights advocacy is somewhat more violent than my own; but far more entertaining. 

(Note for non UK readers: the lyrics contain references to Bernard Matthews a renowned turkey producer, who used to advertise on national TV all the time over here).


If I was a turkey, with my priorities straight,
I’d peck out his eyes and shred up his face,
he wouldn’t turn me into a crispy crumb steaks,
mixed up with sawdust and shit from my crate.

But I’m not a turkey and you make me sick,

I might only speak softly, but I carry a big stick,
and a can full of petrol to set you alight,
a 12stone Bernie-Burger, that bootiful alright!

I wrote you a letter, but you didn’t reply,
was that cos, I asked you to fuck off and die?


Which I think we can all agree readers, is surely approaching the true meaning of Christmas. 

Joy and harmony to you all. 

902 Down (still)

Check out the Welsh dragon bauble.

Coming to all good Christmas compilations soon.

3 thoughts on “If I Was A Turkey, With My Priorities Straight

  1. Astonishing… sawdust and shit from the crate, eh? That’s the secret to a fine turkey burger, that. If it doesn’t have at least 9% sawdust and 14% shit it’s just not worth the money.

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