Know, O prince, that between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the gleaming cities, and the years of the rise of the Sons of Aryas, there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars – Nemedia, Ophir, Brythunia, Hyperborea, Zamora with its dark-haired women and towers of spider-haunted mystery, Zingara with its chivalry, Koth that bordered on the pastoral lands of Shem, Stygia with its shadow-guarded tombs, Hyrkania whose riders wore steel and silk and gold. But the proudest kingdom of the world was Aquilonia, reigning supreme in the dreaming west.

Hither came Conan the Cimmerian 1537, black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandaled feet and review a serious amount of vinyl. 

You know what? at age 15-ish I’d read so many of the Conan novels that I could actually write the opening blurb out from memory, all 136 words of it.  The fact I only needed to look up bits of it* even now, is probably exactly the reason why I struggle to remember all that real stuff in the real world.  Ah well, it is the world’s loss.

But I digress.  I stand here naked before you all to mark the (almost, nearly, totally) half way point of the 1537.  A quest that, like the one for that Holy Grail thingy, will come to define a whole epoch**.   Way back in time before the oceans drank Atlantis, on November 18th 2012 I set out to review all the records in my collection, all 1537 of them strangely enough; starting with Metallica Kill ’em All.   1670 days later, here I am.

I’ve learned a bit in that time.  I’ve got a lot better at reviewing LPs^ and taking pictures for a start; I’ve branched out all the way into reviewing comics occasionally as well as gigs AND I’ve got a whole lot better at smuggling new vinyl purchases into the house, past the vengeful Gorgon.  But the main thing I’ve learned is what a fun, fantastic, furry group of fellow bloggers and bloggettes there are out there, it is your encouragement, sass, support of, interest in and downright adulation of me that makes this all worth while.  Some bloggers come and go, some fall by the wayside but a whole host of you are here for the long haul and for that I thank each and every one of you.  You know who you are^^ and it is thanks to you all that I haven’t got bored and wandered off elsewhere in search of kicks.

So what will the next 1670 days hold for us all? Crom knows, I don’t.  But whatever it is I firmly predict I’ll need even more record shelves.  I recently added two more to my layout because things were getting so tight that I was risking damaging the precious beauties just by having to push them into the shelves really hard.  Two more shelves gives me room for about 3-400 more sides, but I’ve gone totally floor to ceiling now in the room so I’ll probably have to move house next time.  Ah well.

So what have you been adding to the 1537 recently, oh great one? I hear you ask.  Well, since you were curious, here’s a smidgen of what has come my way recently:

RSD 2017 goodies:

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It was the day that just keeps on giving, all of these were added at very reasonable prices – maybe the profiteers have moved on to pastures new?  I wanted that Toto Africa/Rosanna picture disc more than I have ever wanted an inanimate object in my whole life.  True story.

Riot Rock City:

It’s all about the strange half-menacing/half camp seal dude mascot thing for me.  Well that and the track ‘Overdrive’.  It is also the recipient of the very latest ‘what is that crap you’re listening to?‘ award by a passing Mrs 1537.

Rory Gallagher Kickback City:

Quite simply this may be the best-packaged and clever compilations I have ever bought.  One day, in a perfect world all LPs will come with an Ian Rankin novella read by Aidan Quinn. More about this beauty shortly.

Jean-Michel Jarre & Edward Snowden Exit (7″):

It’s anti lazy racial stereo-typing week here at 1537.

This RSD 2016 release is particularly great – who knew Snowden was such an accomplished rapper, guitarist and saxophonist?  his guitar shredding at the beginning of this track is just a joy to listen to.  Okay no, I’m joking, he just talks about online freedom and privacy at the end of this great slamming track by J-MJ … before giving us a kick ass bouzouki solo.

New At The Drive-In and Biters LPs:

Biters at the drive-in? ouch-erooni!

The ATDI is taking a bit of time to settle and, dare I say it, the Biters follow up to the 1537 best LP of 2015 disappoints at the first couple of listens.

But, this is not about us poor unworthy mortals, this is about the Gods.

Amen and see you in another 1670 days time.

768.5 Down.

*I forgot brythunia and the bit about the pastoral lands of Shem.  Odd that, because we used to take the kids camping to the pastoral lands of Shem quite a lot when they were little.  True story.

**not totally sure quite how long an epoch is, I’m guessing it’s a bit more than five years, but less than listening to Iron Maiden’s The Book of Souls six times.

^or so I say.

^^that’s just a quick thing to say so I don’t have to type all your names out.  True story.

44 thoughts on “1670

    1. Thanks for the offer, best not – it would complicate the school run too much.

      And thank you very much Sarca. I promise I will do more comics for your delectation soon.

  1. Before I stumbled upon your secret blog hideout I sort of felt out of place in the blog-o-verse. You definitely were a big part in making this writing thing something I look forward to everyday. Now, I feel like I’m part of an exclusive intergalactic group of handsome superheroes that battle evil with music knowledge and comic book lore. You’re a big part of that.

    Here’s to the next 1,670 days, and that RIOT album cover kills me. KILLS me.

    1. Thank you very much Mr H. I remember the days before you were into vinyl … well, in listening terms that is, your fetishes are your own damn business and I’m not going to judge you. You freaky degenerate pervert!

      I just wish I had a fancy dress party to go to right now – I would so go as the Riot seal-dude, dude.

      1. We all have our vices. Mine just happened to involve riding crops, peanut butter, and Ingmar Bergman films(in particular, Max Von Sydow.)

  2. …and add my congratulations too. Although I have felt in recent weeks like I maybe falling by the wayside. Shouldn’t there be a name for vinyl milestones the same as weddings? Your shellac anniversary possibly. Keep up the good work Joe. Please. Obviously such a special occasion it warrants your real name. You may call me Lord Humungous.
    You lost me with Toto though…

    1. Great call, maybe a year could’ve called a Ranieri? Shellac will do very nicely.

      Come on … its Toto! And it is Africa shaped! Man, some folks are so difficult to please.

  3. As always Joe Excellent stuff! Had to laugh at the Wifey’s comment on Riot! Haha….
    I was in a huge record store this past Friday in Minneapolis called Cheapo’s. They had the Rush and Def Leppard E.P’s for $20 each.
    I thought about it for a sec on grabbing them but I knew Harris and company were going to drain my wallet dry at the Maiden show.
    Plus out dollar compare to the U.S dollar is Shit!
    Basically a $20 Ep in the States is a $30 Ep in Canada…

    1. The Leppard one is worth it … not sure about Rush, the music is still readily available isn’t it? So you’re pretty much paying your bucks for a nice cover.

  4. Outstanding effort. Congratulations.

    No-one does Lego or modest self-deprecation like you, Mr 1537. Or should I say, Mr black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword-bearing thief, reaver, slayer with gigantic melancholies and gigantic girth treading the jeweled thrones of the Earth under your sandaled feet. We are not worthy to support your vinyl kingdom.

  5. Hurrah! Milestone! New records! I have to echo Zack’s comment about that Riot cover. It’s an absolute, um, riot. A beauty!

    I have heard some not so flattering reports on the At The Drive-In album…

    1. It may be the highlight of all Western culture so far. I am a little disturbed that the alien figure behind him appears to be a nude female one though.

      I’m pretty sure the seal dude has a name too.

  6. Congratulations on reaching the halfway point! I wasn’t going to mention the additions and increasing number, and it made me smile that Aaron did. 🙂 Now that shelves reach the ceiling your creative energies will come up with a great solution, and moving house is only logical.
    I’ve enjoyed your forays into other not-strictly vinyl reviews and would welcome more, if you become so inspired.
    I also like the beret-wearing baguette-toting Lego.

    1. Thank you (I think). I should have mentioned my war with Google too (‘The Blog they couldn’t kill!’, or something a bit like that), but I sort of forgot.

      1. I found a new little record shop that has loads of RSD stock in it still. The Crowes one was a bit pricey for 3 tracks but really great.

  7. Question: when you started this blog, you had 1537 records to cover. Now you’re at the halfway point, wht are the chances of your having another 1537 to cover when you reach the end of THIS 1537? The symmetry there would be glorious, if you could achieve it…

  8. Congrats on reaching the halfway point! This site is truly one of THE sites to read, providing us all with wit, candor, knowledge and (occasionally) bewbs. Cheers to this milestone, and here’s to the next half!

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