Sixteen Vestal Virgins, Please

This review may be slightly redundant as the greatest mind of our generation once wrote about it thusly:

The influential NWOBHM compilation Metal For Muthas, which helped launch the careers of Nutz and the E.F Band into the stratosphere as well as providing double loser ballast in the shape of callow no-hopers Iron Maiden. (it) came out in 1980 and all was metallic and groovy, the first volume even had a badly drawn mounted warrior/guitarist with diamond tits on the cover. 

He hath spaketh.

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I was born into a scene of angriness and greed
And dominance and persecution

Welcome to the new decade, longhairs.

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Metal For Muthas was released in February 1980 to document/promote the nascent NWOBHM scene* and for EMI to cash in, obvs. I am not sure if it is true that these compilations were compiled from demos that DJ/scenester Neal Kay had received, but that would make sense; he contributes slightly florid sleevenotes here.

Leaving Ethel The Frog to one side for a moment, the true historical interest in Metal For Muthas is the presence of the two Iron Maiden tracks, ‘Sanctuary’ and ‘Wrathchild’ which are present here in unique form. Both tracks were produced by Neal Harrison and predate their standard releases**.

Headline news? both are very much less punchy and iron-y^. ‘Sanctuary’ has a sound softened by some slightly indiscriminate flanging effects on the vocals and overall a slightly more raggedy sound, the overall affect is to dull the menace. As for ‘Wrathchild’, the Killers version is my favourite ever Maiden track, this is of historical interest only, as demos usually are but you can hear the basis for how damned mean the track would become one day.

Slough’s premier metal band are up next with their self-titled ‘Sledgehammer’, its great and it hits hard. Sledgehammer get 1537 bonus points for the line ‘Sixteen vestal virgins with skirts about their knees’, you just know the next line is going to finish with the word ‘please’; it doesn’t disappoint. There are minor differences between this version and the one on their debut LP, but you’d have to care more than I do to write about them. This is a great track, you just need to turn the bass up a bit on it.

How E.F Band snuck their mostly Swedish selves here is lost in the mists of an EMI contract, this is FWOSHM not NWOBHM! I really like the energy and very neat bass playing on ‘Fighting For Rock And Roll’, a heavier production tweak and the rhythm could have sounded like Motörhead.

How ‘Blues In A’ Toad The Wet Sprocket’s offering got here with its’ Skynyrd-by-way-of-Bedfordshire vibe is surely a tale in itself. There’s nothing wrong with the track but it’s not in the right place here. Much better is Praying Mantis ‘Captured City’, a really promising, tuneful track sporting an excellent guitar solo and some gallopy gallopy.

Metal For Muthas blazes on with more amphibian rock, Ethel The Frog ‘Fight Back’ in this case. I like how rough this one sounds, like it was recorded on a portable cassette player under the bassist’s bed, which is also its limiting factor.

Angelwitch ‘Baphomet’ is an entirely different cauldron of fish and the most metal track here by far. It manages to be menacing, muffled, magnificent in scope and slightly silly all in one go. It would certainly have sold the band to me back in 1980*^.

Then we are served Samson ‘Tomorrow Or Yesterday’ from their debut LP^* with Mr Samson himself singing. It’s absolutely brilliant too, expansive, really well produced and cheesily epic. At one point there’s a keyboard solo that sounds not unlike the noise one might reasonably expect an auto-tuned unicorn to make whilst having a theremin rapidly inserted up its exhaust pipe. True story.

Metal For Muthas ends with the oddest selection here, Nutz ‘Bootliggers’; that’s no reflection on an energetic Who-influenced hard rocker. The oddity is how this Scouse mob who had been going since ’73, supported both Budgie and Black Sabbath, having released four LPs snuck onto the NWOBHM train of exciting fresh new bands. They blew it by renaming themselves Rage immediately post-Metal For Muthas and blowing what name-recognition they could have gleaned from the compilation.

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My cigarette smoky, slightly coffee-stained copy of Metal For Muthas is in tip-top condition and both despite and because of the occasional quirks of selection is a cheap LP well worth ferreting out.

The cover, derided as ‘cheap and nasty’ by Neal Kay is just that, although I do have a certain affection for a being christened by my chums as ‘old diamond tits’. I am totally in agreement that the sleeve notes should have been 100% better, an explanation and introduction to the tunes and bands involved. Ho-hum. Maybe they’d learn their lessons for the next volume?

'Cause I'm a wrathchild
Yeah, I'm a wrathchild
Yeah, I'm a wrathchild
I'm coming to get you, ooh, yeah, yeah

1201 Down.

PS: Not that I have anywhere to put that number of vestal virgins, would it be disrespectful to stack them purely for space-saving reasons?

*which I instinctively pronounce Nuh-Wobb-Ham.

**In May ’80 and February ’81 respectively.

^not to be confused with irony, which was still very much rationed in Britain at the time^^.

^^that’s me being ironic. I put the MF-ing meta in metal! (now go back to footnote ^^). Trapped for ever.

*^although that would have required me to be a far hipper 8 year-old than I actually was.

^*which contains the track ‘I Wish I Was the Saddle of a Schoolgirl’s Bike’; file under Titles-Not-Aged-Well, subsection hard rock, sub-subsection icky.