Welcome freakoids, geekoids and cool kidoids to the annual 1537 awards. Given that large tracts of the world are on fire; bigotry, unpleasantness, intolerance and discourtesy stalk our societies and the levers of power are, largely, in the hands of some of the least altruistic, monomaniacal, indecently underqualified, shameless fuckoids that have ever been shat into existence, we need this.
It is only right and fitting that in such unsettling times of discord we can all gather together, setting aside our geographical, racial and religious differences to see how many LPs I bought this year with boobs on the cover*.
First up we have the Peter Tork Memorial Award for the best LP sleeve purchased in 2019. As usual I bought a quite frightening number of records in 2018 here are a selection of the best looking ones.
Twin Temple Twin Temple (Bring You Their Signature Sound…. Satanic Doo-Wop). The band make a shameless bid for the mass market satanic-gore-flecked-goat-headed-norks appreciation demographic. Really bizarre music too; still not sure if I like it, or not**.
The Cramps All Women Are Bad. Let’s face it guys dressed as dolls is always a winner with me. Great tune too. I love Poison Ivy, always will.
The Groundhogs Blues Obituary. Awesome blue vinyl rerelease of this 1968 Brit blues rocker, featuring the awesome coffin sleeve in a blue die-cut slipcase. All those words arouse me intensely.
Jobcentre Rejects. HMO kindly hipped me to this great NWOBHM compilation, which as well as meticulous research, a free badge and poster AND red vinyl, came with a delightfully rubbish cartoon cover. Two of the figures on it look like my NWOBHM uncle Alastair.
The winners of course are the Groundhogs for Blues Obituary.
Ladies, gentlemen and non-binary folk, next up is the Bernie Tormé Memorial Award for the most LP’s bought by a single artist in 2019. This year, taking the prestigious trophy from Van Halen’s den is … a dead heat between Japan and Fu Manchu!! Both artists tied on 4 apiece. Fu Manchu edge ahead for the win though because by haul includes the ultra rare Go For It … Live! and because I’m not afraid to search for any of their albums online, unlike Japan’s Adolescent Sex.
Which brings us to tonight’s main event, brought to you by Headcheese (‘Mmm, mom, what smells so good on your breath tonight?‘) and Drainz (‘the drain-blockage clearer you can drink at 4am – try our special new Strawberry Despondency flavour’) – 1537’s Top 10 LPs’ of 2019:
1. Sarathy Korwar More Arriving. Sarathy, US-born, Indian-raised, London resident percussionist, drummer and bandleader, created a thrilling cultural mish-mash with this immigration-referencing smorgasbord of an LP. Is it jazz? hip-hop? spoken word? worthy world music? absolutely not – his stated goal was to create a ‘modern brown album’, it may well be, but more than that, more than anything it’s just such an exciting intriguing record.
I love anything that blurs genre boundaries and anything that does it so adroitly, so powerfully and with some snarky humour, intelligence and gravitas … well, colour me impressed. The track ‘Bol’ is just out of this world and I am going to see him at the Liverpool Jazz festival next month.
2. Black Mountain Destroyer. Justice is done for the band whose previous LP missed out on the 1537 Top 7 LPs of 2016 because I, umm, sort of forgot to include it. After deciding not to like this album for McBean’s relocation, Amber Webber’s departure etc. I have ended up absolutely loving it and playing it endlessly. This is a great rock album, really classic, crunching high calorie fodder with some nice tangents and accents provided by the shades of Bowie and Gary Numan^. Rarely has rocking out sounded less macho and utterly right. Plus the LP cover is familiarly pants; plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose – as we Welsh say.
3. Zig-Zags They’ll Never Take Us Alive. Easily my go-to angry LP of 2019. Find me something better to rage to than ‘Punk Fucking Metal’, that isn’t already on this album and I’ll eat my pants live on national TV. Elements of this sound like Maiden would have (should have?) if Steve Harris hadn’t had such a hair up his ass about punk rock. Pure stuff.
4. The Wildhearts Renaissance Men. Brit rock perennials, this is easily their best LP since their debut. The Renaissance Men do sound completely reborn here, packed full of tunes juggling anger, insight and humour to an uncommon degree. Every tune here designed to be sung along lustily to at gigs. ‘Diagnosis’ being by far one of the best tunes I’ve heard this year.
5. 75 Dollar Bill I Was Real. Real world music, as in real music that sounds like it could be from everywhere in the whole world simultaneously. Head trippin’, heel tappin’ Arabic-sounding drones, blues licks, percussion you’d be a fool not to dance to and just something else, untraceable, unknowable that holds it all together. This is an LP in which to live, an LP that truly reflects the world I want to live in. These New Yorkers really are the Velvet Overground.
6. Endless Boogie Vol I + II. Immense reissue of stupidly hard to find early, rawer works by one of the finest bands I can think of. Jam after jam after jam after jam, putting the Can in Canned Heat via some of the best guitaring I have heard in at least a century. No exaggeration, endlessly entertaining, particularly the track ‘Dirty Angel’.
7. Michael Kiwanuka Kiwanuka. I was bowled over by this LP, by the sheer quality of its construction and execution. Quite simply the best psychedelic soul record released since 1973, but so much more too – it swings, it grooves and emotes and occasionally provokes you into thinking. If this had been released later in the year I suspect it would be a contender for the top spot here, I just haven’t been able to listen to it enough.
8. Ex Hex It’s Real. This lot were my real find of 2019, discovering their 2014 debut LP on the second day of last year. It’s Real is a softer, subtler, power poppier treat than it’s older sister but once you get to know the lay of the land it really is a gift that keeps on giving – I hear new things in it all the time.
9. Rainbow Grave No You. Terrifying music made by serious men with links to Napalm Death and others too scary to mention. Opener ‘Ten Million Tons Of Shit’ has featured heavily on my commute mix this year, it sounds a lot like someone clubbing a My Little Pony to death with a bass guitar. All on incongruously jolly pink vinyl.
10. Giuda E.V.A. Foot stomps, handclaps, big glam beats and mean guitar lines = a great time to be had by all; but you know all this already. This LP never failed to make me smile, which makes it a very worthwhile acquisition. Plus, it’s spaced themed. And there’s stickers!
Old stuff? I had a ball as usual. Standouts for me were, the amazing, Ex Hex Rips^*and Talking Heads Remain In Light, which is probably one of the best LPs I’ve ever owned.
As always, whilst trawling the record shelves I realise I’ve bought a few pups this year, most notable being Black Keys Let’s Rock. I fear I might be the only person in the whole world who isn’t smitten by Nick cave & The Bad Seeds Ghosteen too, which is a view I fear I may have to go into hiding for.
I have bored you all enough already, so I will bid you all adieu and sweep up, thank you all, each and every one of you for rocking up here at my gilded palace of nonsense week after week – I wouldn’t/couldn’t do it without you; so you’ve only got yourselves to blame.
974 Down (still)
PS: Play this, it’s fucking great!
*precisely 6 (including Iggy Pop’s chest), two others with lady bottoms on and one with a pig having sex with a dude on it. True story.
**that’s Satan for you, he’s a right so-and-so.
^I know he’s alive and well, but that was a better-sounding sentence if I twisted the truth.
^*which I’ll write about soon, because I have to.
Nothing CB likes better than a “Headcheese” sandwich. I will be delving into these albums (already have with a couple) just because of your track record. Liked the Korwar cut. So you might (probably) be hearing from me later on what I hear.
Excellent. The Sarathy Korwar LP is a really clever stew, I suspect you’ll really like the 75 Dollar Bill stuff too.
Can’t believe you only started listening to Van Halen last year Joe. You should have listened to me back in the day. Now go and luck up Stummin with Devil and give yourself a treat.
I remember you lending me Women & Children and quite liking that. I clearly wasn’t ready for the awesomeness.
I also remember you telling me about the psychopathic cover art of Fair warning. I shoulda listened better.
Remain in Light’s on the 1001 – I’m now all the more keen to get to it!
Now that was a jolly good awards gala… I had a great time.
Loads of good stuff there… some I know really well and some I don’t know at all, so the wee notebook was out. I spotted only one mistake – where was Somebody’s Knocking?
That Kiwanuka album has been on heavy rotation via the streaming service. Absolutely brilliant (and I have been very underwhelmed by his previous stuff).
I haven’t fallen for Ghosteen either, so it’s good to know there’s more of us out there. They will cone for us, y’know.
Oh, and that Black Keys album is dugshit. What where you thinking!?
*come for us *punches phone screen*
Cheers J.
The Lanegan would probably be #11. I’ve listened to it a lot recently and while I like the sound (and the blue vinyl) it’s just missing a killer song for me – it hasn’t got an ‘Ode To Sad Disco’, or a ‘Strange Religion’ for me to lift it up a notch.
I echo everything you say abut Kiwanuka, the new LP is just so warm sounding, so proper. It always seems a bit pricey (mine was a present) but it is a pleasing thing to own too.
Let them cone for us J, for they will not find us wanting in spirit!
I’m sorry about the Black Keys, the video for the first single (which was great) just made me want to believe again. Never again though.
Anyway, thanks for showing up here – I hope you can get the stains out of your tux.
Night Flight to Kabul and Gazing from the Shore are the two tunes that lift it for me, but I get what you mean.
Loved it. The only band I know is Wildhearts so this was informative, insightful and depressing at the same time with the state of the world. But all good!
Cheers John. The Black Mountain might be one you’d like too, especially since they stole the Lp title off that band you like – you know the one, with the tongues and the leather and X In Sex stuff.
I’ll put it on the list.
Yes, sanity is restored. These awards put everything into perspective. Wonderful! The Cramps should win everything by default as they are beyond compare, but apart from that… btw I beat some little plastic horses to death the other day with a bass guitar – and yes, it does sound a tad like the aforementioned Rainbow Grave. 😎
I love you. Where you been!
? Not ! – I didn’t mean to be assertive.
I’ve been on a sex offenders rehabilitation course…
…so far, I’ve rehabilitated four flashers and a nonce.
Wow, bizarrely that’s the second time I’ve heard the word ‘nonce’ today – I can go through whole decades without ever hearing it and two come along today.
My word for today is ‘snout’ in its Porridge-approved prison baccy sense of meaning. Love that.
How can any of these bands afford a Wetherspoon breakfast? Surely some mistake… unless they’ve got day jobs.
Five of them work in Wetherspoons, they get a staff discount.