Now you know that here at 1537 we’re all about the sex.  The wilder, the more deviant the better.  Yup, not just sex but sexy sex.  Sometimes even sexy sexy sex*.  Once it was even about the sexy sexy sex sex, but I can’t tell that story here as I’m not sure WordPress would allow it and I don’t think it’s very gentlemanly to kiss and tell**.

Now you know that here at 1537 we’re occasionally all about the LPs as well as the sexy sex sex.  Now imagine if you could somehow fuse those two strands of my blog into a single voluptuous whole – the glory of it!

  • I have lots of hard rock records about shagging, drinking and boobs, that’s not what I’m on about.
  • I have the occasional naughty sex rhyme on my various hip-hop LPs, that’s not what I’m on about.
  • I have a goodly few unfettered jazz workouts for the more rhythmically adventurous lovers, that’s not what I’m on about.
  • I have a few indie-type songs about first fumbles and ‘Just Like Heaven’ -style horizontal fandangoing, that’s not what I’m on about.
  • I have a few … no! Get down Prince! Down boy! Down! that’s not what I’m on about.

Fujiya & Miyagi Ventriloquizzing 01
F****** shiny LP sleeves!
No, nothing too explicit here, I have something a little more tense and furtive in mind.  Think ‘Venus In Furs’ covered by Sons & Daughters, but with a synth, or ‘Axel F’ played not by Harold Faltermeyer but by a team of priapic satyrs wearing nipple clamps, that kind of tense.  The LP I have in mind is Ventriloquizzing by Fujiya & Miyagi, from 2011.  Fujiya & Miyagi^ are a Brighton-based band and no, not Japanese at all – their name came from combining a brand of record player and Mr Miyagi from the Karate Kid movies, which I think is rather neat.

Fujiya & Miyagi Ventriloquizzing 04

I jumped into their bed with Ventriloquizzing which was a complete impulse buy from the new releases section.  I had never heard of them, the LP cover is pretty pants as far as I’m concerned (although it is very glossy^^) so I think it must have been the song titles.  I have bought so many records because of song titles, mostly swearing in fact but there’s none of that here – Cat Got Your Tongue, Taiwanese Boots, Tinsel & Glitter, Sixteen Shades of Black and Blue – these are what intrigued me here.

Fujiya & Miyagi Ventriloquizzing 05 (2)

The title and first track on Ventriloquizzing is the best one on offer here, for my money.  Oh, I suppose you want me to go and describe the thing for you now? you’re just all so needy! ‘Ventriloquizzing’ sidles in on a couple of innocuous keyboard trills and soon locks into a beaten bass line stolen from Neu! ‘Hallogallo’, vocalist Dave Best then almost sidling in with a muted, precise almost sinister, delivery with lyrics that are all about control and domination, ‘We move our arms when you pull our strings’; I’ve always found puppets really creepy.  The keyboards are brilliant throughout but I’m particularly fond of the little, umm, climactic wave three-quarters in.

Is this the world's most boring gatefold inner sleeve ever?
Is this the world’s most boring gatefold inner sleeve ever?
‘Sixteen Shades of Black and Blue’, is F&M’s creepy paean to S&M.  Just think how popular it’d be if they’d only added another 34 shades^*.  Fujiya and Miyagi’s version is meaner and nastier, this isn’t yuppie softcore fantasy, these acts have consequences.  Again we get stately glam rock beats and an, aptly, restrained half-sung, half-spoken delivery sounding like a man singing with a riding crop in his mouth.  It all brings Ultra Vivid Scene to mind, a band I liked, but everyone else ever seems to have forgotten, despite their sometimes fixation on the seamier aspects of life.  The mood doesn’t change an iota when it switches into ‘Cat Got Your Tongue’, which if anything is more sinister and I can hear the influence of Suicide ringing out here loud and clear, or ‘Taiwanese Boots’ and it’s staccato ruminations on consumerism.  It’s all rather exultingly uptight.

Fujiya & Miyagi Ventriloquizzing 07 (2)

Another fave of mine on Ventriloquizzing is the pulsing, simplistic ‘Yoyo’, whether you find this hypnotic and sexy, or monotonous is probably a good guide to how you’d feel about this LP as a whole.  Me? I’m in the hypnotic camp, plus I can never resist a video featuring some ace yoyo action:

Btw: bonus points if you notice my cameo as the weight lifter.

Fujiya & Miyagi Ventriloquizzing 03

The second side carries on where the first left off, albeit with a few extra clicks and tricks.  The spritely ‘Tinsel & Glitter’ being a real highlight, the organ sounds having been lifted wholesale from ‘Ghost Rider’ and the song as a whole sounding like it has been stretched to the point of snapping.  I also really like the grand LP closer ‘Universe’, which amidst a certain lumbering grandeur and a spiralling descending keyboard riff and a beat that sounds like a slightly asthmatic milking machine, the band repeatedly tell us over a choral backing that ‘there is no centre of the universe / you are not the centre of the universe’.  But let us also not overlook ‘Minestrone’ where these incorrigible magpies pilfer the keyboard sound from Iron Butterfly and the Doors, whilst recounting a visit from a sensual Satan*^.  Gosh!

Fujiya & Miyagi Ventriloquizzing 02

So not a huge amount of out-and-out sexing going on here, Ventriloquizzing is more about the mood it creates.  Or hell, given that it’s more about intensity, kink, restraint and release maybe I have just revealed too much about my own inner workings for comfort.  In that case … Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, let us count backwards my pretty, 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 … now when you wake up, you’ll forget every word you’ve just read and you’ll believe you have just read a review of Iron Maiden Piece Of Mind and will comment accordingly …

Now, awake!

631 Down.

spotify:album:47B3PVZsfrCnjkBSAnZh9P

*my dodgy back, permitting.

**particularly where livestock are concerned.

^F&M?

^^wipe clean?

^*has there ever been a worse written bestseller? trust me I read 30 pages of it once.

*^F&M get big 1537 bonus points for both describing (and rhyming) the Devil’s house as semi-detached and pebble-dashed.

37 thoughts on “Sexy Sex Sex

  1. I’ve never heard of these folks. Never so much as seen this album cover in the most pretentious of record racks, either. This lot bringing sexy back like Timbaland and Timberlake?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You best get in touch with that Boppin Esquires about mounting a legal case, cause that Timberlake’s been all over town saying he’s “bringing sexy back, yeah”.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Your pathetic Jedi yo-yo tricks won’t work on me… oh dear, I’ve just been caught looking at yo-yo porn. You’re an evil purveyor of filth.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well you have certainly opened my eyes here. I’ve been enjoying this album for 3 or 4 years (on CD*) without having any sense at all of its naughtiness. Must be getting old. I thought ‘Minestrone’ was about soup.

    * Unless, of course, the CD is the expurgated version of the album.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry to cast those scales from your eyes, Bruce.

      I like the soup song but it’s based on the old Catholic diktat that minestrone was so good it could only be a creation of the devil to tempt the righteous from the true path into sensuality. Just like my blog.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Your posts are getting a little risqué for me. I think I need to wash my eyes out with soap. Even more than that I had to stop my Little House on the Prairie watching while listening to Steel Panther to read your post.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s