Jah Wobble Dreadlock Don’t Deal In Wedlock. Is this 12″ single the worst record I own? possibly, it’s definitely in the top 2 at least. In fact as I can only use words here, as opposed to smells, it’s difficult to truly express my dislike for this sliver of vinyl.
I bought it 18 years ago because I’d seen Jah Wobble with his tasteful, world music crew Invaders Of The Heart and really liked them. I knew he was John Lydon’s mate and a prime mover in PIL and so I figured that £3 for a 1978 single was worth it. Wrong. What was I thinking?
Dreadlock Don’t Deal In Wedlock is basically, with a few additional blandishments, Jah Wobble apparently backed by all manner of Jamaican luminaries* reciting Edward Leer’s ‘The Owl & The Pussycat’ in an appalling cod-Jamaican accent and lingering heavily over the word ‘pussy’. It is basically what you get if you took the most disruptive two 13 year-olds in class and sent them away to make a reggae record after making them drink 9 bottles of red fizzy stuff, before promising them they wouldn’t get punished no matter what the content. I mean, take the sleeve for fuck’s sake! I know 1978 was a world away, but even so – let’s dress up humorously as a dope smoking Rasta – they all look like this! Jesus! What were Virgin thinking, releasing this?
Hell, the B-side is even worse. The same, or very similar, backing track but with different lyrics called ‘Pthilius Pubis’. Again, words fail me. Okay so he was taking the piss, but even so, this is awful beyond belief. This is music to move your bowels to.
I played this for you this morning twice, so you don’t have to. Don’t thank me, its my job. File under ‘lest we forget’.
*according to Discogs.