There I was looking through some LPs that someone had given my dad 4 years ago* and I came across A Very Special Christmas, a 1987 charity compilation with art by Keith Haring. Amongst the Whitney, the Sting and the Madonna was a track by Bon Jovi called ‘Back Door Satan’. Wow! Why had I never heard of this before? What a title? What could it possibly be about? I mean I liked Slippery When Wet and got a bit bored with them thereafter, but this was clearly the real deal. However did their manager let them get away with it – I mean what about their demographic?
So anyway, I added it to several other LPs I took away with me and spent the whole journey home wondering what this track was really like, only to find, inevitably, that I needed my eyes testing the track was called ‘Back Door Santa’. Arse! What a perfect missed opportunity. In fact sitting here now I struggle to think of any song containing the word ‘Santa’ which would not be improved by substituting the word ‘Satan’ – ‘Satan Baby’ and ‘I saw Mummy Kissing Satan’s Claws’.
Without wishing to be uncharitable about a charity LP, this is a pretty poor bunch of odds and sods, the best bits being Run DMC’s ‘Christmas In Hollis’, Alison Moyet’s ‘The Coventry Carol’** and Bryan Adams ‘Run Rudolph Run’. Apart from that, we’re struggling.
If only it had been Satan.
* People actually give records away! I have encountered this phenomenon once or twice before and it still chills me to the bone. LP’s love you, they want to be your friends and live on your shelves, abandoning one would just be like pinching a kitten.
** My favourite carol by far – its about Herod and the slaughter of the innocents and a mourning mother’s lament, if sung properly it can reduce me to helpless tears, what’s not to like?