I am displeased with you all. I gave you free will that you might better follow my teachings and spread my Truths*. Occasionally you might fail, I accept that, but lately I find my patience sorely tested by your mortal failings in that most needful of all sacraments – the correct ordering of LP shelves. Lately I have become aware of two false apostates amongst you, preaching ‘alternate facts’ – I wilt tell thee now there is only Truth, or untruth**, there can be no Canadian or Australian way.
I hath already given you this truth mortals, whether it be writ high in the sky in flames 100 feet high, carved in tablets of stone, or even included in the small print of the new Google privacy policy you so blithely click through every day, or two. BUT^, just in case here again is the Truth of 1537:
Truth One:
All LPs shall be filed in alphabetical order from left to right and THEN filed chronologically: in the event of a recording coming to light years later, Stones at The Marquee Club for example the LP is to be filed in the year it was recorded, NOT the year of release – that would be a venial sin.
Truth Two:
Solo artists will be filed by their first name. ‘Hmm, I’d like to listen to Dixon, Willie tonight’ said NOBODY, EVER!!!!
Truth Three:
All Compilations and soundtracks will be filed under their name. To do aught else is a mortal sin which will cause ye to be wracked in eternal agony for weeks on the shores of a fiery lake, whilst the Owls of Justice peck you painfully on the nose and Imps of Untruth mock your physical appearance in quite hurtfully sarcastic tones. So it is written and so it shall be done-eth.
Truth Four:
The Truth of all Truths, the prime tenet of 1537-ationisticism is that, pay attention, all bands/compilations using a number as their name will be filed in the alpha equivalent space. For once and for all, never in my name shall there ever be created a primitive ghetto of numeric shame either at the beginning or end of one’s collection. Not on my watch! What sort of thrice-damned psychopath would file a LP by 16 Horsepower, before 65 Days of Static, before 808 State? Mortals I feel your shame.
Having writteneth my truth, I shall now ascend to welcome the righteous to Vinylhalla.
733 Down (still)
*capital letter there is a nice touch, I feel.
**note: lack of capital letter. Yea verily.
^I like big buts (sorry, I haven’t done that joke since the early hours of this morning).
My brain hurts. I do like that cut by CBP. Has that PF ‘One Of These Days’ feel. Will check more of these guys out. I wasn’t going to peek in but I should know better. You have all the secret stuff.
You’d really like their first LP, they go a bit off the boil after that for me, but their debut is a mighty LP – even has a track called ‘Burnt Reynolds’ on it!
Worth looking into. I’ll try the “debut” if I can. I really like the cut you posted. If you remember the clip of the Replacements ‘Can’t Hardly Wait’ CB posted. Someone of stage says “Bert Reynolds” and breaks Westerberg up. You probably know that story being a rock n roll evangelist.
I am most assuredly not on board here. That said, the glory of 2017 is that “Truth” is now totally fungible. Everyone gets to pick their own! As such, I hereby choose to recognize you as “Prophet” while comfortably ignoring the greater part of your edicts!
SEE YOU IN COURT, SO-CALLED VICTIM OF THE FURY!
Being treated so unfairly by the Wales. Terrible.
I laughed so hard, it hurt then. Very bigly, in fact.
New Tinariwen LP out now ….
Is it not enough to have won? You must now see me kneel?
It’s got Mark Lanegan on it too! Kneel on me, if it helps, brother.
What’s that line from 1984, Whatever the Party holds to be the truth, is truth?
Or ‘T’ruth in this case I suppose!
I quite enjoyed both this post and its response
It was just meant to be mildly amusing.
And it was even more than mildly so!
It was!
I was going to file by the city of origin of lead singers, then by year of birth of the producer, however now I have seen the light I will follow the rules until they no longer make sense for me.
Excellent, see starting religions isn’t very hard – I don’t know why more folk don’t do it.
Plus everyone knows it should be by producers shoe size.
I heard that George Martin required that it be the inside leg size of the tape operator divided by the hat size of the engineers best friend.
Lots of fancy words there, mate, but we’re all gonna file how we wanna, no matter what you say about it, just like you file how you want to without heed of what we say! 🙂
I am working on my own collection, as you know (and linked to it, thanks!), but even when I reach my conclusions on how it will go, I doubt I’d follow all of your, er, edicts. My Stones Marquee Club (2015), for example, rests comfortably between From The Vault: Hamptons Coliseum (2014) and the Sticky Fingers reissue (2015). My iTunes agrees with me. My stuff is still chronological within artist discography, just by release year, not year of original event.
I did like the Bewbs drawing, and Vinylhalla was perfect. That’s actually a great name for your blog, should you ever reach 1537 and decide on a change!
ITunes can suck my left one!
But won’t your right one get lonely and/or jealous?
So what you are saying is that if I have 10 albums by the same artist, they are filed alphabetical and not by order of release? Within an artist I file by year of release.
No, chronologically in each artist – the idea of putting Dr Feelgood before Too Fast For Love brings me out in a cold sweat.
Whew! I wasn’t about to change my system, but glad to know you agree 🙂
How come Aaron didn’t sign that Boob drawing for u?
11 Women With Huge Boobs. That’s the one Gilby Clarke plays guitar on?
No, a lot of people make that mistake. It’s Petula Clarke, she plays percussion on a bin lid using a toilet brush. I find it very moving.
My apologies. And my apologies also for agreeing with only one of your truths. I feel an overwhelming desire to sort my collection and send you photographic evidence. It’s raining, y’see… that’s what you do when it rains.
J, J why hast thou forsaken me? Verily, one time.
Actually agree with two. My apologies. I shall back you up on those.
Give in to chaos! Make it so that no-one can find albums in your collection except you. It’s the only way!
Or put them in colour order so it looks nice.
NO SLOAN. NO GROHL. NO HOMME.
Occasionally just for a right laugh I sometimes move Let There Be Rock so it’s after Powerage and leave it overnight. Hahaha, man!
Then I move it back in the morning.
That’s the spirit! (Bet you lie awake all night fretting cause it’s in the wrong place though)
I do. Seriously, I do.
Hey Joe, where you going with that delusion in your head.*
Strummer, Perry, Tex, Turner, Jackson, South, Cocker, Walsh, Dimaggio… You must be fucking kidding me?
* This response comes at Truth 2. There may well be more.
Such feelings are merely manifestations of sin desperately clinging to your immortal soul. Cast them off Bruce. (Although I do admit Joes and Johns are a little more challenging to file than Fela Kuti).
Can you cleanse me long distance, or must I come to Wales?
No need Bruce, I sort of had you pencilled in as chief Australasian apostle. Obviously a pilgrimage here should be done occasionally.
Understood. Perhaps (perhaps perhaps) later this year.