Jah Wobble Dreadlock Don’t Deal In Wedlock. Is this 12″ single the worst record I own? possibly, it’s definitely in the top 2 at least. In fact as I can only use words here, as opposed to smells, it’s difficult to truly express my dislike for this sliver of vinyl.
I bought it 18 years ago because I’d seen Jah Wobble with his tasteful, world music crew Invaders Of The Heart and really liked them. I knew he was John Lydon’s mate and a prime mover in PIL and so I figured that £3 for a 1978 single was worth it. Wrong. What was I thinking?
Dreadlock Don’t Deal In Wedlock is basically, with a few additional blandishments, Jah Wobble apparently backed by all manner of Jamaican luminaries* reciting Edward Leer’s ‘The Owl & The Pussycat’ in an appalling cod-Jamaican accent and lingering heavily over the word ‘pussy’. It is basically what you get if you took the most disruptive two 13 year-olds in class and sent them away to make a reggae record after making them drink 9 bottles of red fizzy stuff, before promising them they wouldn’t get punished no matter what the content. I mean, take the sleeve for fuck’s sake! I know 1978 was a world away, but even so – let’s dress up humorously as a dope smoking Rasta – they all look like this! Jesus! What were Virgin thinking, releasing this?
Hell, the B-side is even worse. The same, or very similar, backing track but with different lyrics called ‘Pthilius Pubis’. Again, words fail me. Okay so he was taking the piss, but even so, this is awful beyond belief. This is music to move your bowels to.
I played this for you this morning twice, so you don’t have to. Don’t thank me, its my job. File under ‘lest we forget’.
536 Down.
*according to Discogs.
I’ve only heard the name Jah Wobble. Seems that’s all I need to hear.
Now you have to tell us what’s the other single from your top 2 worst. 😀
Seconded!!
Give me 24 hours and you shall have your answer.
Oooo, that’s a difficult one – especially because I often get rid of stuff I don’t like. I’ll have to come back to you on that one – give me a day!
Think Mike’s clip nailed it, eh? Bad shit, man.
On a happier not, I have a Solaris CD (another of JW’s projects) and it’s really good. Features Harold Budd and Jaki Leibezeit (Can).
I’ve not heard that but I did go see him many years ago at a Womad and really enjoyed it, he really is a wonderful bass player.
File under ‘Juvenalia’. Then burn.
My word! What on Earth is this? Probably the first record you haven’t sold me!
I wouldn’t do that to you. Or anyone, come to that – it just wouldn’t be fair. If its sitting in my collection, it can’t be hurting anyone else.
Hopefully it never leaves your collection. It can’t have the opportunity to hurt anyone. Ever. Seal it. Bond it with wax.
Wow, this sounds… terrible. But I do have to say I have always loved the name Jah Wobble. It’s so evocative. Come listen to the drunken god…
I saw him live once and it was good, but this … just pains me. I’ll gift it to someone I really don’t like in my will.
Wow. Wonder if they had to fulfill some contractual obligation with Virgin, so many shitty records are a result of that kinda stuff.
Either that or it was a really snowy day in the commissioning department at Virgin Records.
You can hear the conversation, ‘I signed off on what?!’
‘snowy’ hahahaha! A lot of bad decisions resulted from those days of excess, not to mention some horrible mixes.
It’s that cocaine treble sound – should have been a capital crime.
Zero attention span met with over fixation and compressors, bad combo.
We must never forget, we need to bear witness – we owe that to future generations.
Agreed though it’s an uphill battle!
“This is music to move your bowels to.”
SOLD.
That’s exactly what I need.
Damn, mistyped it – I meant on, not ‘to’ …
Well that changes my buying decision. Thanks for the warning. Any time you have music to actually move your bowels to, maybe tag me in it or something because I’m looking for that exact thing.
Is there not a section in your local HMV? they’re definitely missing a trick there!
Don’t get me started on HMV…you saw Aaron’s post.
https://keepsmealive.wordpress.com/2015/04/23/timid-little-woodland-creatures/
They all looked so cute – it made me want to holiday there!
In the actual HMV store? Maybe sleep in the classical section, less chance of being trampled.
You wouldn’t want to camp in our shite little HMV express. They don’t really have sections, the place isn’t that big. It’s all just one room in the mall. And you wouldn’t be able to sleep with all that stench of ineptitude in the air.
Stench of Ineptitude – dude! you’ve just named my new imaginary hardcore band – I’m on drums!
That joint reminds me of this scene:
https://youtu.be/CWxgfTMLtc0
Ha! I want a car like that, so badly – especially the steering wheel!
I know! Plus it’s age appropriate!
“Looks like quarter pounder man! Led Zeppelin! Vrmmmmm!”